


small acts of kindness

by purplesealion2



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Cheating, Daddy dynamic, M/M, just the care part really, lashton's Established Relationship, slight d/s mentions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-28
Updated: 2014-11-28
Packaged: 2018-02-27 08:39:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2686370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purplesealion2/pseuds/purplesealion2
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luke loves Ashton with all his soul but Michael will always be his first true love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	small acts of kindness

**Author's Note:**

> I have no excuses for this. x.x'

 

They get to the elevator together, all four of them, and Calum is talking too loud, still has the rush from the crowd, but Luke’s tired. He had been almost asleep during the drive back from the stadium.

Usually after a concert it takes a while before he can relax and feel the tiredness get to him, be it playing or watching. That’s why even if they stay to watch One Direction’s performance, they always have too much energy by the time they get to the hotel, theirs and 1D’s songs mixing up with loud screams in their heads. This time, though, Luke stayed backstage after they finished, away from all the noise. Partly because he was tired of the setlist of One Direction, knowing by heart all the boys’ moves and lines better than 5sos’ after too many concerts. But also because he wasn’t in the mood.

Last night was still echoing in his head. Plus there was the look he got from Ashton when they decided to go have breakfast in the hotel’s lobby. Ashton managed to go through a whole meal without a sound, their whole communication being a slight nod he gave him over the steam of a mug filled with hot coffee when Luke asked if he had gotten any sleep.

It got him biting his lower lip the whole day, eyes scanning every room for Ashton, watching his every move to see if anything would give him hints on how to approach the subject.

But those concerns feel like forever ago. They did interviews, went through some notes for the show, did a quick sound check and Luke even tried to write some lyrics. All that with Luke feeling like shit, a huge weight on his chest keeping him from breathing properly. And then it was time to open 1D concert and Luke shut it all off, focused on doing his best for everybody there to see them (or One Direction, but who cares).

Now, resting his sweaty back against the cold wall in the elevator, Calum talking about funny signs he had seen in the crowd tonight, it feels like all those concerns had been playing on his mind a week ago instead of just a couple of hours.

Still, he’s more tired than anyone else. His mind is struggling to keep him awake.

He rests his cheek against the cold metal of the wall, enjoying the sensation in his eyes and nose and wishes he was in bed already, where he could let sleep take over and his mind would quiet down.

In his dreams, Ashton wouldn’t be giving him the silence treatment.

In his dreams he wouldn’t owe the boy any explanation because he wouldn’t have fucked up.

#

Even in his half awake state, he still feels his chest clenching when they get to their floor. He’s not going to look back because he doesn’t want Ashton to think he’s even considering the possibility but he had been thinking all day if Ashton would still want to share the hotel room with him after last night. He was even surprised he let him in the last night, even if Luke had been begging and by the time he opened the door Ashton was already screaming at him, red eyes and spitting saliva in anger and pain.

But when Calum says goodnight to him and Michael waves silently, he feels Ashton following him and he breathes a little better.

Ashton gets the keycard off his wallet before Luke can think of it, so he just leans on the wall next to the door while he opens it for them. It’s quick, the lock sounding a beep before Luke can lean in all his weight. But he doesn’t move right away. He watches Ashton push the door open and the darkness of the room where they’d had an argument yesterday feels unwelcoming.

Instead he just looks at Ashton eyes, the usual sparkle completely gone.

“If you want I can sleep in the bus” Luke offers but what he means is: it would break me if you’d feel better without me, but I’d go anyway. Just for you.

Ashton blinks once before shaking his head. “You look wrecked, probably would fall asleep in the way.”

Luke snorts because really, if that’s all the reason he has to keep Luke around, it might be better just turn around and leave. It might hurt less. Again, what he says is not that. He says “Yeah, I’m really tired” and goes inside. Because also, if that’s the reason he can have to stay, he’ll stay.

Ashton turns the light on behind him and closes the door. Their room has been cleaned, their two single beds were made (even if Luke’s was never touched, they both curling up around each other after they got to tired of crying and arguing in Ashton’s bed). The white sheets looking comfy make Luke take his shirt off and toss it to the ground and even though he didn’t shower at the stadium and the weather in this country is the worse, his skin feeling sticky and dirty, he just wants to lay down a bit, rest some as he did in the car.

Ashton seems to read his mind as he makes a displeased sound. “Lukey. Shower.” is all he says and Luke looks over his shoulder, his eyes begging to Ashton just let him lie down a bit. But Ashton is not looking at him.

“Now, baby. Then you can go to bed.” He says moving to the bathroom turning the lights there on too.

He turns around and goes to Luke’s bed to get the white towel left there, and goes back to the bathroom, opening up the boxer glass door and turning the water on. “Come on, the faster you in, the faster you can sleep.”

His heart is warm, he’s pleased even if he’s almost too tired to notice it. But that’s Ashton, and as much as his voice seems to be struggling to come out tenderly, as much as he sounds like he still can’t quite talk to Luke, he is still taking care of him like always. He’s still making sure Luke gets clean to rest.

So, no, Ashton didn’t even need to say that twice. Luke didn’t need convincing, he’d do anything Ashton told him to.

He stood still because he wasn’t expecting it.

After a whole day of figuring out his own meals, getting his own water, having to ask someone from the staff himself for a jacket when the air conditioner in the place they did interviews was too cold even though the sun was burning outside, he didn’t expect Ashton to urge him to shower.

His mind finds a little rest in that small act of kindness.

#

The water is a bit too hot when he gets in but he doesn’t want to change what Ashton did, so he takes his shower anyway. Liquid soap rinses the dirty and the sweat, he gets shampoo to brush his scalp. He moves fast even if his mind works slowly, Ashton taking his own clothes outside and looking himself in the mirror for a second. Luke watches him through the steamed glass.

He’s almost convinced he won’t join him - and he would never ask - when Ashton finally opens the glass door and gets in. He’s about to rinse the shampoo when Ashton says “Let me do it” and he just bends a bit, probably too fast, his heart racing with the idea of being touched by Ashton again.

It feels like fucking forever.

(But it’s not, really. They did share a single bed last time.)

#

When Luke’s finished, Ashton lets him wait in the shower for him, and after he’s done he doesn’t get Luke’s towel and dries his whole body as usual, but helps a bit with his back and it’s enough to get Luke shivering.

Luke’s ready to put some underwear and go to bed, satisfied with the little caring he got tonight (compared to every other night) after a whole day of no care at all. All doubts and fears still there, but calm now, under control with a little touch.

Then Ashton goes back to the bedroom, gets Luke’s underwear from Luke’s bag and sits in the edge of Luke’s bed, still naked.  “C’here” he says.

As if he really needed to ask.

Luke gets closer and Ashton open his legs to give him room, dresses him one leg at a time, his fingers fixing the hem of his black briefs and placing a soft kiss in his waist when he’s done.

That gesture gets Luke confident enough to touch Ashton, the tip of his fingers itching from missing the softness of his skin. He doesn’t step back even though Ashton has his hands off him, both resting on his own thighs. Instead he places his both palms in Ashton’s shoulders, feels the freshly dried skin, runs it up his neck and holds his face with two hands.

It takes Ashton some seconds to stop staring at the milk skin of Luke’s waist and look up to meet his eyes.

“What” he says, his voice so weak it’s barely a whisper. Luke leans down slowly, his hands loose enough that Ashton can turn his head if he wants all the way, even when Luke’s nose is almost touching his, when he feels the warmth of Luke’s breath.

Luke wishes Ashton feels the same as he does because he wouldn’t be able to turn, his body physically hurting for wanting a kiss.

He just takes his lips, then, because apparently Ashton’s okay with it. It’s just lips very softly touching, the wetness of the shower and a little saliva getting in Luke’s lower lip and it has him licking it, his tongue brushing Ashton’s mouth on its way out.

Ashton leans back a little and Luke sees his eyes pressed closed, him shaking his head just a little, almost imperceptible. Almost.

“I love you, Ash” he whispers in despair to hold the moment.

The words - they are a huge statement. When they come out of Luke’s lips they mean way more than just love-you-ash. They mean I’m sorry I let you down, but I’m yours, I’ll always be yours and the thought of losing you crushes my soul. You keep me grounded, you keep me breathing. You are the reason I’ve made this far.

So when he says “I love you” he’s serving his heart in a plate to Ashton and not even crossing his fingers hoping Ashton will take it because it never belonged to him anyway. His heart was Ashton’s all along.

But the thing is: he’s said I love you a lot of times, more than a couple just last night, Ashton screaming and crying at the same time, Luke’s hands shaking and covering his own face, his whole body flinching with every other mean word Ashton would say.

That’s why even though he means a lot, it sounds like nothing and Ashton doesn’t even feel compelled to say anything back. Not even a nod. He just stares and his eyes say it all.

His eyes say “I wish it was enough”.

#

Luke doesn’t question it when Ashton goes to his own bed instead of Luke’s and turns the light off. He closes his eyes and waits for the previous tiredness take over again, happy to be so exhausted he won’t be dealing with those fat tears wetting his pillow for long.

He doesn’t even know when he started crying - if it was with the look on Ashton’s face after the kiss or when he got up and Luke faced the strangest doubt, if he would be able to properly kiss Ashton again one day.

That thought crushed him.

He listens to Ashton’s breath as long as he remains conscious and when he sleeps he dreams they are sharing the bed, both too big to share a single but doing it anyway.

He wakes up alone.

#

The days after follow the same pattern. Luke can’t take his eyes out of Ashton or his heart out of his throat. Ashton ignores him as much as possible, and then out of nowhere does something nice for him, like getting him an apple or a glass of water, asks if he’s cold.

Luke knows it’s more out of habit than caring. Or maybe Ashton still cares and that’s exactly why he won’t look at him. But day after day the acts get rarer, like Ashton is finally getting Luke out of his system. It’s the scariest thing.

Still, he knows it’s coming when Niall goes hang with them for a couple of hours and sits on the couch next to him sipping in a bottle of diet coke. The change was perceptible for everybody, he and Ashton suddenly growing a world apart.

“Is it too bad you can’t fix it?” he asks and he doesn’t have to say what, Luke’s eyes never left Ashton in the other side of the room. It’s nice that he has half a smile for something Calum said, his eyes brightening up a little, but a part of Luke wonders if it’s a sign he’s really moving on.

He feels guilty for seeking for sadness in Ashton’s eyes to comfort himself.

“I’m not sure” he says, reluctantly stops staring at Ashton and looks at Niall, chews on his raw bottom lip. “I tried but I think this time it’s up to him. There’s no excuses for what I did.”

Niall sighs heavily, breaks eye contact to look at Ashton for a while, tilts his head a little considering his words.

“Well, forgiving isn’t about accepting an excuse anyway.”

#

It hurts Luke a lot more the fact that all the way through it, Ashton hasn’t stop talking to Michael once. Not even a small grudge in their friendship.

Not that Luke would want them to fight, but it feels very unfair to be sitting all alone when the other three are engaged in an excited conversation.

He wishes he had followed Niall back to 1D’s buses, or an interview, anything. Just to be out of there. Instead he scrolls over his twitter mentions without even reading anything for what feels like another hour.

Soon enough it’ll be time to go on stage and everything will be forgotten, Ashton will talk to him in front of a million people like nothing ever happened. He’ll be allowed to have a glimpse of the time when everything was fine.

He can’t wait.

 

#

“May I please sleep with you tonight, da- Ash?” he whispers in the dark room. His voice almost a background sound in comparison to the loud and fast beats of his heart.

He knows Ashton listens because he stops breathing. Even if he just said it because he wasn’t sure he was still awake and there was a possibility he might get away with it, he’s glad he did ask. He couldn’t sleep another night without Ashton holding him.

Only his heart is trying to get out of his chest through his mouth because there’s a strong chance Ashton won’t let him.

“Luke, I don’t think… ” he starts slowly, Luke can feel the unsureness of his words, the way he’s about to say no and he just doesn’t want to hear it.

He mumbles a ‘okay, sorry I asked’ the best way he can, his throat clenched, and turns to his side, back to where Ashton’s bed is.

The problem is he feels like he’s been stepping on uneven ground, he’s not sure where to place himself, how to act. Not only once but twice already it had been Calum to get him his lunch because for Luke eating was a forgotten daily activity. Sleeping in a cold bed alone, even if he could thank god that Ashton was still rooming with him in every hotel, was impossible.

Against all of his bets, each day it gets worse. He is starting to forget how it was like when Ashton would take care of him, even though he had been doing this for so long Luke didn’t even know how to take care of himself anymore.

His heart is still beating fast and loud, the rush making it impossible to just sleep. He reaches for his phone under the pillow and turns it on, looking for the only thing he can think of to calm himself down. He reads Ashton’s old texts, feels the air getting in his lung with each one, be it a silly joke or a small “you make daddy very very happy x”.

It was real. Ashton was his. Just a week ago, no more than this, Ashton was his daddy and they were happy.

He goes for the pictures, the really old ones he still keeps on his phone. Ashton and he on his room back in Australia. A lot of pictures at the beach, a whole bunch of them playing with food, and even more pictures of them completely wasted.

He wastes a while in every one of them, looking at how their skin used to touch and remembers every single act of true caring Ashton has ever done for him.

The memory of being held by Ashton finally gets his heart beating in a proper speed, lets him hear Ashton’s breath again, no more of that loud blood running noise inside of his head. That’s when he listens to the sheets moving, a couple of steps on the floor.

He locks the screen when he feels his bed moving and Ashton holding him, his face buried at his nape, and Luke can feel some wetness in it.

“I’ll stay for just a while”, Ashton says against his skin, his breath getting a shiver down Luke’s spine. “Sleep now.”

Luke can’t help the needy way he holds the arm Ashton puts around him, fingers holding his wrist so tight it might be a little uncomfortable. He doesn’t let go, though.

He’s finally himself.

#

He wakes up every time Ashton moves, sure he’ll leave, and holds him tighter so he doesn’t.

It’s the middle of the night when Ashton forces Luke to let him go, takes half of his heart with him when he goes back to his own bed.

“I miss you, daddy.” Luke whispers. “I wish you could see how sorry I am.”

Ashton doesn’t say anything back for a while, Luke’s almost drifting back to sleep even if it feels cold and wrong now.

“I know you’re sorry.” Ashton says. Luke’s heart skips a beat.

“I also know you’d do it again if it came to it.”

(And if feels like it’s that same night again, only this time he’s not screaming or asking. He’s just saying.)

#

Looking back now, there is a lot of things Luke didn’t say or do that he wish he did. Things he had never even thought about it before the end was a possibility.

He should have taken more care of Ashton, that’s for sure. He was a little bit selfish, hardly ever checking to see if his daddy was eating or drinking enough water. All basic needs Ashton has always taken care of for him.

He should have said thank you more often too.

Ashton should know how much Luke’s always appreciated him.

#

Ashton’s out god knows where and he takes the opportunity to lie on his bed instead of his own, feeling the warm of the sheets (probably just a vague memory if he was completely honest) and the scent of Ashton’s skin that he misses so much.

His phone beeps on his chest, a text from Michael asking if he could drop by.

Luke wishes he could say no. It really isn’t a good idea.

But when has he ever said no to Michael?

(Wasn’t it the whole problem to begin with?)

#

“‘Sup?” Michael says but doesn’t even wait an answer, walking in the room and going to a bed. Luke’s bed.

He’s kind of glad, though, so Ashton’s remains intact.

“You tell me”, Luke sits in his bed with Michael, resting his back on the head of the bed.

Michael seems to consider for a second just going for it, Luke knows he wants something, he can tell by the way Michael looks at him. But then he drops it, shrugs and says “Nah, just wanted to hang, mate”.

Luke doesn’t buy it. But he lets him get away with it anyway.

Michael can’t play it for two minutes, though.

After none of the silly matters seem to carry on, he makes a displeased sound and runs a hand through his hair, really looking at him for the first time since he got there.

“Why did you tell him?”

And Luke widens his eyes because really. Really?

“Michael, I’m sorry but-” he starts shaking his head in disbelief. “This doesn’t concern you.”

Then it’s Michael turn to shake his head.

“I kissed you, Luke.”

It sounds funny. It’s been a while, but Luke remembers in his guts how it is to be in love with Michael. Looking at him at his room, saying those words there are true now - and how many times Luke wished they were true years ago - he’s pretty sure the feeling is tattooed in his insides as they clench.

However, it’s been years. He was a wreck and then he was fixed and that’s when he fell in love again. And even though you can never forget your first love, you can also never expect it to be the same. Not after everything they’d been through.

“I’m positive I kissed you back” he points out matter-of-factly.

Michael looks at him in the eye, a glimpse of something Luke’s not sure what it is, but getting stronger as Luke’s words sink in. It almost looks like Michael hadn’t been sure if Luke had done it. (The thought is absurd, though. They kissed for what felt like hours until Luke realized what he was doing and left without a word.)

“That’s the other question” Michael says. “I want to know why.”

Luke looks away. It’s been long enough, they are in another page now. When you spend this much time with someone, share as many things as they do, you grow closer. Closer than being in love, even.

Michael means the world to him, but so does Calum and Ashton on that matter.

The thing is: Michael is still the same boy from high school that didn’t like him but had all of his attention anyway. The curve of his lips are just the same from when Luke would dream to kiss him deeply, madly. And now that he has, now that he knows how it is, it’s a little bit like going back in time, that crazy desire that comes from the left side of his chest burning up until his throat. Warm waves running through his whole body.

Last night’s words are vivid in his mind, then, because he knew the minute Ashton said it that he was right. He knew it when he said it the first time, right after Luke had met him and Ashton could see something was wrong. However, knowing it and feeling it are two completely different things.

“How could I not kiss you, Michael?” It’s not a question - it’s a confession and Michael feels it. He runs both his hands through the jeans covering his thighs, chews on his lower lip and shifts on his sit and Luke knows they’re on the same page and it’ll happen again anytime now.

That’s why it takes all of his strength to say the next words. “But I won’t anymore.”

Something in Michael breaks right in front of him with the lie.

(There’s a sick satisfaction growing inside of Luke. As if he got to prove Ashton wrong right after he told him he wouldn’t make it.)

(It’s stupid because he can say no to Michael - and that’s new - and still he can’t mean it.)

“Oh-” Michael starts, insecureness clear on his voice, but also fear and a little bit of shame. “I thought-”

Luke uncrosses his legs and getting his knees against his chest, rests his chin in the right one.

“I know, I’m sorry.” He says, closes his eyes for a second. “I want to fix things with Ashton now, I need him. I love him, Michael.”

Michael nods silently.

“As much as I’d like to know where would this go, and trust me, I want to know, I have wanted it for so long… It’s just - I want him more” he continues and Michael looks away. He knows he’s ashamed and he wonders how much has it taken from Michael to come and talk to him this soon in the day. If it took him a week, how much has he beaten himself up over this?

Or has it just crossed his mind now?

Almost a week had passed by and he didn’t spare a second to think about their kiss, hadn’t missed Luke’s presence around, the easiness of them joking around, all four together.

“I get it, it’s okay.” Michael nods more to himself than anyone else. “Don’t think I don’t know I lost my shot with you way back.”

Luke snorts. “It’s not like that.”

It really isn’t because Luke wants wants him, could he ever not want Michael? A part of him that he desperately wish it was smaller keeps crying yes for Michael inside of his mind. His body hurts from having to turn down the possibility to touch the boy,

But there’s this other part, a bigger one, that misses Ashton so much. That doesn’t let him know for sure how to walk around, where to put his hands. This huge part of him that is incapable of the silliest things like choosing his own clothes - too spoiled to do that properly and be pleased with the result - but is a master in the most important ones like loving someone.

That part he could never ignore.

So even then, when he can feel in his heart what it's like to be in love with Michael just like it’s high school again, he’s used to something much stronger.

When Michael leaves, he goes back to Ashton’s bed just for a couple more minutes and smiles to himself for having resisted.

#

Another show, another city. This time Luke stayed for One Direction’s concert and feels tired but still awake when they get to the hotel. Ashton opens the door to their room, Luke waiting by his side, and makes a displeased sound to know their room wasn’t cleaned.

Just by that he knows Luke stayed in the whole day and Luke feels like he’s in trouble, even though it’s been a long while since Ashton has reprehended him for anything (not because he had been good but because Ashton hasn’t been talking to him at all).

He waits for him to say something, to snap even, and nothing comes. So he goes to the bathroom with his head down, knowing he’s been bad and not even having the right to Ashton’s words because he’s been worse before.

He showers alone once again, the door open like always just in case.

He hears the Tv when he turns the water off, something in Spanish to remind them it’s Mexico. It doesn’t feel like Mexico, though. It feels like Antarctic.

“You can go now” he says to Ashton when he gets out, his towel wrapped around his waist.

“In a minute”, he says but he’s already half asleep, the Tv a lousy distraction.

Luke gets closer to his bed, eyes on Ashton’s skin shiny with dry sweat and dirt. He sits on the edge and touches his arm softly with the tip of his fingers, really slow, afraid that Ashton will flinch with the touch and break another piece of his heart.

He doesn’t, though. If anything Ashton seems relieved to finally be touched by Luke and for that small second he wonders if maybe he misses him as much as Luke misses Ashton. He could. They’d been together for too long.

“Ash, you are almost asleep”, he points in a whisper. “I can help you shower, come on.”

Ashton cover Luke’s hand in his arm with his own and they just stare for a while, breaths uneven and shaking bodies. And then it all happens at the same time: Ashton runs his hand up Luke’s arm, Luke covers the same hand with his other one and leans in, captures his lips with one move.

Luke’s shaking too much to kiss, so he just sighs against Ashton’s mouth, feels his throat clenching and his eyes burning behind his closed eyelids.

He wishes his heart would calm down a little so the blood in his ears would let him hear Ashton. But it doesn’t. If anything it just keeping getting faster and faster, stronger and stronger beats of the heart of someone who had been on the verge of crying for days, desperate to know when or if they’d get another glimpse of the love they’d been used to.

“I can’t” he mumbles against Ashton’s mouth. “I can’t take this anymore, daddy, I can’t.”

And Ashton nods, pulls him closer with his hands, gets Luke on top of him even if they haven’t even managed a kiss, even if Luke’s towel gets lost in the movement and he’s naked against Ashton’s dirty and fully clothed body.

When their tongues slide against each other it’s fireworks and bleeding wounds all at the same time. Luke knows he’s crying when he tastes the saltiness of his tears. But it’s been so fucking long he can’t care, he just wants to remember the taste, the touch. Something in his head feels right again - even if he hadn’t notice it was wrong before.

Then Ashton is holding his face, forcing him to lean back a little and he obliges, hands on Ashton’s neck all the way.

“I love you, Luke.” He lips tremble and it’s the most beautiful thing Luke has ever seen. Those words fixing some of his broken heart just that easily.

“I hurt you, I’m sorry” he tries. “It’s over, over, it won’t happen again. It shouldn’t have ever happened in the first place, okay?”

Ashton touches his chin, the side of his face. Gets his body up for a peck on his lips that gets Luke crazy to lean in again, to prove more of the kiss he was sure he’d lost forever just a few minutes ago.

“Listen”, Ashton starts. Luke feels his body tensing up and realises he’s oddly exposed - feels defenseless. “I know it will happen again, and you know that too.”

Luke parts his lips. What he means to say is: It won’t. I told him no today and I can do it every day. I choose you. I’ll always choose you, daddy.

However, he knows better, so he doesn’t. Because Ashton’s right. He had been right the night before, and he was right this morning and he’ll still be right tomorrow. Because Michael is his first love and he’ll always be.

But before he can say anything, before he can even deal with this thought, Ashton is talking again.

“I’m crushed because I know this and there’s nothing I can do to change your feelings.” He breathes, uses his thumb to dry Luke’s tears. “I don’t want to lose you, though.”

Luke nods. “You won’t. I’m yours.”

Ashton smiles - the saddest smile Luke has ever seen.

“You are. You are mine.” He reassures him. “What I mean is: I forgive you. Not completely, not with all my heart just yet, but for some sick conspiracy of the Universe you’re getting everything you ever wanted now and I won’t be in the way for you two.”

Luke is speechless. He just shakes his head, covers Ashton’s mouth with his right palm to silent him without thinking. “What, no, there’s no us two. Daddy, it was one kiss.”

Ashton’s body shakes beneath him with the words but he just kisses his palm gently, breathes his scent. Then he turns his head to speak again. “I know. If it ends there, I’ll be glad but what I’m saying is do what you have to do, and then we’ll figure it out. What hurts me the most is to think that you’d choose him so I’m telling you: you don’t have to choose. Be with me, sort this out, I won’t be in your way, I won’t hold you back.”

Luke presses his lips together, feels his eyes burning again and another tear falling straight to Ashton’s chest, staining the green shirt he has on.

“Did you hear me?” Luke asks struggling with his voice, blinking away the tears. “I’m yours.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” He completes.

#

He wakes up in the middle of the night, sweat and soap cent mixed in his skin, Ashton holding him so tight against his chest he’s impressed the boy is asleep.

Luke tries to stay very still, lets his fingers move just a little in Ashton’s waist to experiment at the softness, missing him so much now it’ll take weeks to soothe those butterflies again.

Then he thinks about what Ashton told him, lets his mind go there for a second and it makes him close his eyes, ego and love mixing in his heart. Because it’s good for the ego to know Ashton loves him enough to set him free, to put Luke’s will first.

It hurts like hell at the same time, though.

He feels just a shadow of a person for having hurt the only person that would do that for him.

#

(fim.)

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading, I really hope you enjoyed it  
> find me on [tumblr](http://aloopdaloop.tumblr.com) for hating, loving, etc.  
> [reblogs](https://www.tumblr.com/reblog/103907205962/jrYxGh1c), kudos and comments are better than chocolate ♥ (it's true, I swear)


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